Kali, the Divine Mother has been guiding, protecting and loving me as an inner guidance and in other forms since ‘always’. I did not notice or understand what this force was until I had deep soul journeys with the Amazonian plant medicine. She showed me what she has been doing for me. I went back in time and re-experienced certain events from my childhood days. I was a kid playing in the school ground, running wild under the hot sun. Another kid was chasing me and pushed me. I was falling right on a rusty metal rod that was sticking out of an old truck. My head was about to hit this rod and I felt some force push me slightly away. I fell on the red-sanded ground instead, without a scratch. The force was none other than divine mother, the dark one, Ma Kali. I know that now. Back then, I had no awareness. I was more interested in punching this kid on his face! She also showed me other times where she was protecting and guiding me. That includes one of those time when I was about to walk right in front a running train, a hand (some guy that was walking by) suddenly pulls me and gives a humorous warning to ‘not have a death wish’.
She also works with me from within as a feeling that comes out of nowhere. Most times, it occurs during my sleep state. When I was in Peru for the shamanic training and medicine ceremonies, I thought I was about to die if I do not get out of the jungle as I was severely ill. My logical mind told me that there is no medical facilities in the forest and I need to check myself in a hospital. I talked to the Shaman and was about to return back form the Amazon the next day. In the middle of the night, after few hours of sleep, I felt someone nudging my feet. I woke up and there was no one; I was in a room by myself with the doors closed. Hmm, that is strange and I went back to bed. I kept having a strong feeling that I should stay and all will be fine, it felt like a grandmother telling her grand kid that she is going to take care of things and not to worry about anything. Next morning I got up; did not feel any better physically. However, I knew that I am not leaving the Amazon without doing the ceremonies. My health got a little better from that day and I managed to stay for the whole training and attended all the medicine ceremonies.
In another dream, well it was not a dream! It was an in-between dream state and a lucid dream state. I felt a wave swirl around me in the bed (physically). Next moment, I was up in the air flying with a big black bird with a long sharp beak that seem to have made of dry roots. I knew it was Kali. She has the protective mother energy that one could feel in any of her forms. I felt nurtured and safe. Enormous joy filled me over; like this is the moment I have been waiting for, without clearly knowing what is happening. She took me to some space and said that is ‘our’ home. It definitely felt home. After hanging out with mother for a long time (there seemed no time, felt like a place of stillness but with activity), I took off from the house with tears of joy in my eyes. However, I realized I missed something in the house. I went back; Kali now is in a different form, an aggressive reddish form. She warned me ‘Hey, you shouldn’t be here kid, I have turned into my other form’. I told her that it doesn’t matter, I still choose to stay with you. Suddenly woke up in my bed. Guess she had gently pushed me back to earth 😊
In my visions, often she appears as a huge mountain shaped turquoise crystal firmly grounded and emerging from white snowy waters. She tells me that, this is her form of ‘Dakshina Kali’. This is the highest form of the goddess that there is. Everything that is there now, ever was and ever will be is a projection of Dakshina Kali. She turns into Maha Saraswathi to create existence, Maha Lakshmi to sustain it and Maha Kali to destroy it. All these three forms exist within Dakshina as eternal presence.
As a frequent visitor in my medicine journeys, she has been guiding me to walk in the Shamanic healing path. In one of the medicine journey, she took me deep into the center of the earth. Kali dances on a fire bed, bright orange flames emerging out of her blue skin. The massive force keeps the earth alive, pulling the life that is needed to sustain and pushing the anti-life that is no longer needed. I call this form ‘Graviteshwari’. She also shows herself as a powerful dark serpent sometimes. I feel the serpent emerge within me, rising up through my spine. Some other times, she comes in the form of a Raven, a blue skinned young woman riding a big wolf or as a black Jaguar. Once in a journey, she put me through the death cycle several times and I was lying dead in a graveyard. She drank my blood and ate my dead body without leaving a trace. No matter what her form is, I could feel the love, wisdom and power she carries. In all her forms, she says one thing to me, that answers all my questions, that shines the truth in my soul, that gives eternal joy, that tears the face of fear, that shows the path I shall walk up on – ‘SURRENDER to me!’. That is exactly what I did. I bow to Madre Kali again and again, be her servant.
“Mother,
How could I ever be the same?
After being touched by your grace
I will not stop singing your name
Even when my last breath leaving this plane”
Om Dakshina Kaliyai Namaha!